In my country, being a student is not easy. Being a good student, even more so. Education here is not so much about learning, as it is about getting a decent job in some big company. I feel surrounded by, and an unwilling part of this never ending race. Does this stem from our own intellectual incompetence or is it a by product of the way the society has brought us up? These are complicated questions which demand a lot of thought.

But, I am a backbencher. I do not really have a place in this race. Maybe my heart isn’t really into it. Or, maybe I’m not as motivated. I am running, but to what end? I might never get that coveted job offer, that call letter from a world renowned company, that fat pay check that everybody is pining for.

So here I am, trying to pursue my interest, when all of my fellows (or at least most of them) dash past me trying to get to the material successes of life. Am I being to self-righteous? Or, am I simply too lazy to do what they are doing? That depends on who you are. If you are another fellow backbencher, you’ll sympathize with me. If not, well, I can’t help the way you feel.

As professional backbenchers, we are supposed to be mediocre academics, slobs, and troublemakers. How much of that is our fault? And how much is it a byproduct of the way our educational system trains us?

Is there a solution?
Do we want to solve this?
Maybe I’m content with what I have. Maybe being able to do what I want to do; is preferable over doing what I have to do.
Maybe we have a different perspective to life.
The Backbencher Perspective.


It is difficult to express how I feel in this particular moment.

Ever had a flesh wound that has healed perfectly but the clotted scab of blood decides to stay on for just a while longer. Try digging a finger-nail into one edge and then slowly pull the dried scab off; you’ll be able to pry the dead mass off of your skin slowly, with the slight taste of iron in your mouth, to reveal the raw red skin underneath. Those who have done this will know the absolute pleasure in clawing off the unwanted from your body. And then in the next few moments, you fill this profound bliss of having discarded all that is just a remnant of a process that has healed you.

In an ever inward journey contemplating existence and purpose, when detours have become he highlight of the journey, it is utterly refreshing to have someone pull you by the hair back on to the path, and make you question your priorities, your assumptions and even your thoughts themselves. And then the revelation of what you are, what you can be and what really matters, put in stark contrast with all the inconsequential baggage that you have been unconsciously carrying.

For you, this could be a casual conversation with an old friend, an intense chat spanning several nights with someone close, or just a deep sleep in the middle of a wintry day, but this moment of truth, when you are for a brief moment aware of what you truly can be, when you transcend the shackles of orthodoxy, when you are rid of all that has been dragging you down, when you can truly think, when you are filled with this glimmer of hope for the future, when with a light ringing in your ears you realize you are not ordinary, when you are truly you.

That is how I feel.


Occasionally when things seem too out of control, I wonder if the idea of control itself is an illusion. I am not a very religious man, and yet, when things spin out of my circle of understanding, I can’t help but wonder if there is some higher power driving it all.

In spite of all my belief in logic and the possibility of a scientific explanation for all things unexplained, there continues to be a part of me that believes (hopes) that there is something out there that defies human understanding, that there is an entity that oversees, if not manipulates, all that happens throughout existence. While this belief itself speaks volumes about my confidence in the human race, the notions of God and the Supreme Power that humans have deliberately invented to suit, more often than not, their geo-political interests, are even more ridiculous.

And yet, the idea that we are mere puppets in someone else’s hands, too is a bit difficult to digest. Seven billion puppets. That is, only counting the human beings. And then what would be the point? If it turns out that this is a mere game for some higher being, akin to us playing with our pets, I wonder how many giant egos would be hurt. Rationality dictates that there must be some purpose to our being given free will. Question is, if it is free will at all?

Haven’t we often ended up in situations we have been desperately trying to avoid, in spite of all our efforts? Is it possible that the ends we are going to reach in life are all predetermined, and all we get do is choose our path to that end? Or walk the path that has been chosen for us? While it is a little bleak to think about our lives in such a fashion, and many might call all this the talk of people not willing to take initiative in their lives, is it not possible?

And anyway, we are backbenchers. All we have are possibilities.

One of the worst emotions a human being can feel.
Guilt, about things you have done years back, or more recently, can drive anyone mad. It is difficult to understand the nature of this rather queer feeling, for you are not as worried about your self and your own well being, more often than not, it is someone else’s suffering on account of your actions that triggers it.
This is what bothers me about the nature of wrongdoing. If, in that moment, you do not feel the need to stop yourself from committing an action, then why does the mind think about the same action years later, and feel the need to analyse its consequences, and repent.
I guess this is what growing up is about. The wealth of experiences that you acquire, make you rethink your own actions, how you could have taken better decisions, made better choices, done and not done some things.
And hence, Guilt.
Or maybe it’s just the time of the night that makes you think of things that you’d rather not.
It is 3:00 a.m. after all.

On Scientific Reporting

As the scientific community, makes progress by leaps and bounds to achieve a utopia of technological prowess, the importance of knowledge exchange cannot be ignored. A time tested tradition, continues to be the publishing of scientific progress in well known scientific journals. While this does provide credibility to the work being published, as more times than not, the results are cross-verified and tested for accuracy and reproducibility; a recent spurt in the number of journals themselves, and the myriad of non-scientific attributes attached to scientific publishing, has led to an overall decrease in the level of scientific discourse in today’s journals.

While this is my personal opinion, I am sure, many of my colleagues in the community will agree, that while journals with very high impact factors, still remain accountable and continue to publish only good quality, verifiable research, there has been a massive decline in the quality of scientific publishing in the less impactful journals.

Part of the reason for this is the recent trend where the overall quality of one’s research acumen is gauged by indices that rely heavily on scientific publishing parameters. This has increased the pressure on the scientists themselves to prove their mettle by publishing more and more. As the quantity increases, the quality is bound to decrease. Tampering with experimental data to make the experiment more likeable for publishing is no longer just heard of in the movies. A majority of the younger researchers are forced into this rat race of ‘publishing papers’, because that seems to be the only way to climb the ladder to the top of academia. Students as young as sophomore undergraduates are now focussed more on getting a ‘Publications‘ section under their CV, rather than pursuing the actual art of science, and exploring this ever expanding frontier. What gives fuel to this fire among younger students at the very least is that these publications are becoming a criteria for higher education admissions to top colleges and universities.

What we fail to understand is that good research takes time, and involves months, if not years of painstaking perseverance. Add to that the pressure of regularly publishing work, is an added burden that does more bad than good. Research work is like banging your head against the wall, and hoping that the wall breaks first. While there is no denying the importance of publishing papers, publishing good papers is even more important.

Both publishing houses and administrative bodies across the research arena need to realise the effect that uncontrolled publishing mania can have on the progress of science, and ensure that this is curbed. Only then can science in its raw magical form, be truly understood and appreciated.

On Religion

God has always been a concept, much debated and fought over, yet little understood. Religion has always been a means for us humans to explain the inexplicable. But as more of these mysteries are unraveled by one means or the other, I can’t help but notice that religion has had more elaborate purpose all this while.

Is it not easy to see, how religion has molded our societies, and our entire belief systems? And doesn’t this at times, if not always, seem to be for the benefit of some specific political entity/idea? That is not to say, that I do not appreciate that aspect as well, for that too has played a very crucial role in shaping the world today as we know it. Today, I happened to come across a definition of an ‘Agnostic’ as a person who believes that the existence of a supreme entity, God, can neither be proven nor disproved. And that made me question, yet again, my own religious beliefs.

I happen to remember some excerpts from my (very) preliminary reading of ‘A Brief History of Time’ (which is an excellent book, albeit a little difficult to comprehend) by Stephen Hawking; where he talks about the unification of all scientific theories into a single Unified Theory. I can’t help but notice the similarity this idea possesses, to the idea of there being one supreme God. Hawking further goes on to say that the search for the latter might be analogous to the search for the former. While this idea is a beautiful one, a coming together of science and religion, it is not an easily acceptable one, for science, always, needs hard evidence, and while the search continues, answers are still very much shrouded, or at least are way too incomprehensible for the human kind. Hawking goes on to argue that if there is a Supreme Power, then why at all would it be interested in revealing itself to the people, how can one be sure that the results from our search are perfectly accurate. Doesn’t this Supreme hold the reins to our efforts and results as well? That is intriguing, to say the least.

Being born to Hindu parents, I have had a huge number of beliefs, rituals, superstitions, and even Gods thrust upon me. Personally, I do believe in the existence of a Supreme power. We, puny humans, can’t be the most intelligent creatures in this mighty, mighty universe (or multiverses, if we are to believe Hawking). I do not see stronger beings being very benevolent to the weaker ones here on earth, and that makes me a little fearful of this Greatness. That, it has let us survive for so long, makes me reverent. But the interpretations that humans have developed of its powers, and miracles, and elaborate mythologies in scriptures, I find appalling. While in terms of building a society, they have been very helpful, their staunchness has also resulted in disintegration of communities, something that I can not stand.

While, even today, questioning religions, and the values they propagate remains a rather uncomfortable occupation, it is good to see that people are developing a more objective approach to their lives and beliefs, notwithstanding the spiritual comfort that is found in the idea of a benevolent GOD.

As has been iterated all over the world of ideas, religion must be confined to a part of a person’s identity and not the whole of it. Only then is peaceful cohabitation, even a possibility.


On beauty and relationships

On beauty and relationships

Jeff Isy

Several years ago a friend shared this passage from the book Attachments by Rainbow Rowell. with me. It struck me then and every time I’ve read it since, it makes me pause and think. It hits close to home when I think about dating and relationships. He knew why he wanted to kiss her. Because…

via The Reason You Can’t Wait To See Her Doesn’t Start With Her Beauty — Thought Catalog

Definitely makes you think for a second about the whys and hows of people falling for each other, and how emotions evolve and complicate as we reach different phases in life…